The Determinator: Jack the Ripper's Autobiography & iPad Pro

welcome to multiple nerdgasm with your hosts Matt it's a bit ay so I don't really understand it Luke is that a little sashwat penis Dan I accidentally got soap in my urethra and occasionally Terry smallo maybe you wake up in the middle of the night with a little sashwat pis inside of you multiple nerdgasm your guide to all things nerdy well that was a close one what was close well we nearly didn't make this yeah I know it's been delayed again and again and I'm leaving the country tomorrow morning so it wasn't going to get done if we didn't do it right now

see the listeners don't know what we're talking about cuz you're going to get this at the same time that's right yeah we have to postpone the recording a few times yeah life got in the way stupid life have I told you guys about my citizenship ceremony oh God no you haven't no I didn't think I did they made you wear a Ned Kelly hat no no nothing like that BB when I you got a Southern Cross T now though no see I I did the where the Australian flag is a cape I did it at Orbin so uh so there's none of that is it easier to get it in Orbin or harder well there was one thing and I I I'd be interested if any of the listeners for those who don't know listeners who don't know uh I I recently got my Australian citizenship because I

was not Australian I was actually born in England uh and for 30 odd years just didn't bother uh and then finally got around to it and when I filled in the paperwork one of the questions was basically there's two pledges that you can do or two versions of the same pledge one of them contains the words under God and one of them does not uhuh and I'm not particularly religious so and I actually to be honest I didn't think it would make any difference I assume oh I just won't say those words I guess um so I tick the blocks to say the the one without the words under God because not very relevant to me yeah y uh but I mean but to be honest I wouldn't have given a [ __ ] I I could I say what you said yeah yeah don't care

don't care the end you're a citizen who cares exactly so we get there and I None of the I'm sat there you know they're doing the thing got my paperwork there it's got a little print out of the Pledge that I'm supposed to say it says pledge number two and it's got the it's basically the same thing but without those words in it and I was like he that's fine nothing out of the ordinary until we get to the bit where everyone's doing the pledge right and I didn't I didn't know this was going to happen beforehand and then they the guy goes all right so everybody saying pledge number one please stand and all the people in the front say 10 rows stand up and I notice there's actually a gap between my row which has about 10 people in it and all

the other rows and everybody in those front rows stands up does their pledge sits down and then he goes right and uh everybody reading pledge number two the heathens stand up and then so the 10 of us pop up and I was like wow that's that's just really weird wow I find it a bit strange that they have the under God at all yeah I mean well I wondered as well I and I was going to ask if any listeners have done this which is unlikely I suppose like if you're not Australian citizens and you became one did you did you have the same thing cuz I wondered if it's just because I mean Orban is is kind of a I guess a religious area because we the big we've got the biggest mosque in the Southern Hemisphere and we've got you know like I guess more of more religiously cultures

in the area so maybe maybe it's cultural and maybe some of the other areas in Sydney they don't do that cuz I just assumed like I said that I would just not say those words but still be speaking with everybody else yeah you should have just spoken with everyone else and just mumbled that bit well I like I said I didn't even think about it I just fill in the form and I went oh I guess I'll choose not because I don't care no I would have as well and I had a weird moment when I moved over here to Singapore because and I didn't know this at the time but apparently Singapore is quite a religious country in that they're very very tolerant of all religions no matter what religion you are and there's huge percentages of each of the main religions you know

Christianity Islam Buddhism DSM you know all of these things what they don't like are atheists right but I didn't know that and there was no you had to put your religion on the on the form um CU I'm I'm a resident here not a permanent resident I'm like a you know temporary resident and you have to put your religion and it doesn't have atheist but it does say free thinker and um right so being the closest I ticked that but then I thought it's so weird that everyone else who's not quote a free thinker has to say I'm not a freeth thinker I get my thoughts from someone else thanks yeah free thinker s seems to be a middle finger to religion yeah I know it's so weird but then they told me they're like oh afterwards they're like well they you're lucky that they let you in because you

you put down free thinker and they don't really like that here they don't like people who think for themselves you should have just gone with a Jedi well it's funny cuz we had a federal election here the other day right and the government called the election 10 days from the day they called it so basically it's designed to give opposing parties almost literally no time to campaign yeah right but everyone in the country does get the day off to vote which I thought was pretty nice did you vote you allowed to vote no no no I think so don't have to vote no didn't think so is it is it optional there I did get the day off uh is it

optional no it's not but you got to be 21 okay yeah yeah I'm pretty sure yeah if they're giving it a day off they expect you to vote cuz that's a nice tradeoff I'd like that here you also have to go to your electorate you can't vote absentee or Postal or you have to go to your electorate so well what if you're on a two we holiday when they call it and give you days not a big place yeah you can get from one end to the other in an hour yeah what if you're overseas actually if you're out of the country you can't vote right there there's no way to vote early and there's no way to vote absentee yeah and let's be honest it doesn't matter anyway we know who's going to win well not only that not only did we know who's going to win but you

guys have had a change uh in your government mhm yeah so this is the second time in a couple of years you've got have got a prime minister that nobody voted for that is something that happens here because yeah in Australia it's different to the rest of world you don't vote for a person you vote for a party yeah and who doesn't want a party Andrew WK certainly likes a good party they come out of nowhere what it's time to party he likes to party hard speaking of partying hard do you know where I would love to party hard where man I don't know I don't know where this is going in space yeah I'd party hard in space although the the lack of gravity might prohibit the hardest of partying well what happens with The Hangover the next day well

you're prob you're you're suggesting it might be difficult to just drink whiskey in space yeah just to do shots for example might be prohibitive well I got some good news for you oh they've developed a space glass that allows you to drink whiskey in space now if it allows you to drink whiskey in space I'm assuming it allows you to drink just about anything right yeah it does but it it's it's designed to kind of recreate the experience of of drinking whiskey whiskey because I mean obviously and you probably figured by now you know without gravity the the liquid kind of just floats around and stuff so what what they've tried to do is construct the glass that doesn't let the whiskey out but you can still smell and drink it

without it going everywhere it's got a lid on it and a little straw it's designed so that the the whiskey can't escape out up the sides there's actually a YouTube video where they they show how it works uh and you kind of suck the whiskey up through this little straw that runs through the outside of the glass I'm not I mean I don't have one and I assume they're quite expensive um they have to be 3D printed like there's no way to construct this any other way wow I just love it I love it that like astronauts still piss into their space suit right like we had to we had to spend millions of dollars inviting a inviting inventing a pen that could ride in space and we're like right what's third on the list we need to drink whiskey well no this was paid for by um

balen balentine's balentine's it's a whiskey company from B Scotch that makes sense yeah so they they paid for it it's a publicity stun obviously I mean I will I will put out there Valentine's gives me the worst hangover a space hangover yeah yeah so they've um they've basically figured out how to keep keep it in the in the glass and allow you to to drink it um and it says the the goal was to allow them to drink from an actual glass rather than relying on just a bag of liquid I do have a question are they letting a lot of alcohol up into space cuz that seems like the type of place you don't want to be drinking what do you mean if you went to space you would be drunk all the time I mean you Luke you oh yes crashing

into planets he would crash in so many planets it's only been tested at a uh a drop tower in Germany which is one of the they could it simulates Gravity by dropping it from a tower and so they they've tested it using that which I mean the whole thing is is kind of just a stunt really it's not yeah it's advertising I'm assuming they do not allow astronauts to consume alcohol while they're piloting a spaceship so no but if it's on aut pilot and your your clock off for the day I don't see why not maybe well I that's a good question right listeners if you know or if if any of the astronauts from the International Space Station are listening are you allowed to consume alcohol while you're in the space station do you guys have like a little little drink on a Friday

night I'd love to know that I know that they sent up some ice cream for them enjoy I guess that's kind of sort of I just mean they're allowed treats you know yeah yeah but maybe porn they have what type of porn space porn we talked about that space spawn spawn they wanted to make that the first porno in space we talked about that that's right I wonder if they for the crowd sourcing site for it yeah we failed to follow up on that didn't we yeah we failed to follow up on everything we don't really follow up on a lot of stuff unless it's to do with midgets there any midgets in the space point there had been [ __ ] if it was the first [ __ ] porno in space I would have rallied behind that trying to see if I can find a link

to the crowdfunding thing for it to see if it was successful cuz I asking for quite a bit of money well it would be it would cost quite a lot to get up there into space I mean not into a porn star that costs a fair bit as well Matt does it yeah Fair no it doesn't it doesn't no no it depends it depends on the porn star and what you want them to do but you can get a porn star to do a scene for as little $200 I watch the documentary I damn it I'm sad that was the answer you know what though uh a friend of mine was in Los Angeles and was filming a movie uh short film not pornographic per se but

did require a nude actress and um not many actresses are willing to go nude uh but most porn stars are so they just hired a porn star for the day right and she was 400 bucks for the day nobody [ __ ] her though so maybe if someone had [ __ ] her it would have cost more H they did not they were not successful a a how far off from their $4 billion do did they get they raised 236,000 well that's still a lot but it's not billions of dollars you need to get into space they didn't get it so yeah that 250 that's like one ticket yeah to space yeah to go up in that um that virgin thing it's $250,000

a ticket yeah it's $250,000 to go up a virgin sorry that was a cheap shot no fine it's fine no no I'm I'm better than that uh did you guys see the new Apple stuff I didn't actually what are Apple doing now no that's weird we normally we're all over this stuff do they have thing there's a iPad Pro oh is it just an iPad it's huge right it's going to be massive right it's basically a Microsoft Surface yeah oh with the keyboard and yeah yeah yeah exactly like that I'm pretty sure Steve job said they would never bring one of those out you guys remember him saying something like that he's he he's dead now so well he say wa said doesn't

count remember we spoke to him I was wearing a t-shirt with him on at just the other day from Beyond The Grove it's a 12in iPad uh and it's got like a little screen in the cover like you know like a Microsoft Surface does and uh yeah and iOS 9 has uh a bunch of multitasking stuff where you can snap windows to the side and have two things open at once and and they're kind of just becoming like a a computer now so yeah yeah okay don't thing and the new Apple TV is out and it's uh well not out it's it's announced and the the big secret thing that you know he was going to reveal was um when you use Siri

on it it searches all the apps for TV TV shows for example rather than having to go into the Hulu app or the Netflix app one by one looking to see if they have a show that you want you just say Siri put True Detective on and it will find it and put it on yeah tell sh even in australa bringing out something that's going to do that that's I think Apple are just done when Apple are one step behind teler you know that they're well I mean yeah I think I think they're doing all right still just no M they're done well no no but they just don't seem to be innovating anymore no I know what you mean bigger and smaller well I'm sure when they announced the iPad Pro which is a you know basically just a Microsoft service I'm sure they made it sound very Innovative well I've actually I've

posted a um a picture of it if you scroll all the way down to the bottom of the spreadsheet there's a great picture of it here just to illustrate the size of it let me have a look you've only it it does look big it does look huge though um thanks man let's stay on top let me find this picture of it h. I said big not enormous hang open picture I just went to D naked.com all right so I've just pasted another picture in there which we put in the show notes um just see how look how big this thing is are we still at

d.com no well that is big yeah unless girl has really small hands I know but I saw the picture I was like Jesus Christ that thing's that thing's huge but the funny thing is like they came out with the iPad it's like okay there's the iPad and they're like oh you want to be smaller here's a smaller one iPad mini and you're like yeah okay okay we we didn't really want it smaller I've kind of got my phone and my iPad didn't really need a smaller one they're like oh you want a bigger you want a bigger here's the iPad uh Pro and it's like no we nobody wanted a bigger one if you wanted a bigger you had a computer like what is this you're just going to be able to buy any size now well I um I I

think I would just want a normal iPad like throughout all of this I've always just kind of wanted a normal one so I don't know that I would I mean see it's kind of like it's it's like it wants to be a laptop but it's not as useful as a laptop and so and and it's exactly no I'm looking at that keyboard there's quite a lot of money for something that isn't a laptop you know like yeah like with the surface it is a separate keyboard so you can yeah no no no it there is a separate keyboard as well Luke Sor it's just not shown that picture also and I tweeted this at one point because I thought it was funny that they finally release an iPad where the screen is big enough that it can actually have a fullsize keyboard on on the screen and then they release a

keyboard for it like a physical keyboard like all the others yeah I would have I could have used a keyboard for those this one not really a big deal so yeah that's the uh that's the iPad Pro yeah I mean the iPad I like for what it is but I don't need it to be that big and with a keyboard I don't think I I don't know what I would if you've got a big screen with a keyboard that's a computer yeah but it can't do all the things a computer can do that's right I mean I I say that for some people it might be enough in fact yeah and I guess the cost is going to be the determinator whether you well it's it's 1,500 bucks the the determinator is the determinator a word in the

determinator to me this would be good something for sales people and stuff people are constantly on the move and yeah yeah it's 1,500 bucks for this for this 1500 yeah you can buy a MacBook Air for 1100 that's what I mean it's it's quite and you can buy a MacBook Pro for 1500 I think it's probably going to be where things are headed but I think we're at that weird point now where like this you know when they brought out the first MacBook Air which was yeah uh you know it was like 10 years ago or whatever and it was kind of like could barely run the operating system yeah it it was garbage but it was the future yeah you know what I mean and then now the MacBook Air is yeah okay that's they're great but I think they're

probably pricing themselves out of this cuz you got the surface and things now which are good tablet SL keyboard SL computer things that you can get for a hell of a lot cheaper that will probably do more yeah I think well iOS 9 has a lot of stuff in it that might make these more useful like I said the problem I have with my iPad is that I quite I do like iPad but I find it restrictive because I I I go oh I might uh edit some photos and then it's like I just just want to [ __ ] open the photo in Photoshop like you know what I mean like I don't want to you know just the clunky way you have to export from one app and then import into another app and then I've got to M did you end up buying that um attachment to put your Fleshlight on the underside of your iPad

ah Maybe no I didn't I didn't I'd probably get more use out of my iPad if I did though yeah because I'll be honest since I switched back to books I don't use my iPad at all now you switch back to books yeah switch back to books man interesting I like the experience of going and buying a book bringing it home reading it over a few days then putting it on a shelf I don't know why I just love that just don't get that I'm actually at the point where I'm thinking since I moved I still have not unpacked my Star Wars books and I'm yes son of a [ __ ] during the entire thing listeners you're as disgusted as we are I'm

sure or they impressed well I'm sorry that we have been distracting you from your achievement kick okay okay I I had to get it cuz now it means I've done 36 days straight that's pretty good Sor yeah oh yeah if you want to hear more about Luke's achievement streak you can sign up for our newsletter multipl nasm.com and uh sign up for the newsletter and then uh you get updates every month on that and a bunch of other stuff too we send you a list of all the episodes for the month and uh some some extra stuff some behind the scenes odds and ends and some other fun stuff and uh if you'd like to support the podcast uh you can head over to patreon.com multipl nerdgasm uh support us with as little as

a dollar an episode and you'll get access to the fullback catalog and a bunch of other [ __ ] that we've slapped together as a reward for you and it's not all [ __ ] no no no some of it is but it's not it's not all [ __ ] uh yeah otherwise uh email us podcast multip nerdgasm tocom M nerdgasm on Twitter uh facebook.com/ multip nerdgasm get in touch with us we love hearing from you tell us what you like and what you don't like you specifically we love hearing from you yeah so R in yeah um I do have a question do I have to pay a dollar an episode to get access to the back catalog or uh am I okay no pass unless you've got them unless you've got them all downloaded oh I don't know how you're going to get them we can't bend

the rules for anyone Luke least of all you okay I I I I will sign up then good cuz I want to go back and listen to episode one again maybe your mom can give you a copy of them let's not bring mom into this she's a back she's a she's a patron mhm she sure is on the patreon but yeah hey uh one of the things that might end up in the um in the back of bonuses is some of the spin-off episodes that we've had in the past yeah a lot of great spin-offs yeah yeah well we've got a new one oh we do cuz I mean we're nothing if not Trend Setters you know that's right the GM brand has really taken off this this new series is very original I don't I don't think anything like this has ever been

done before oh wow so um think might be best if I leave it to speak for itself yeah so I listen you guys you guys want to hear it yeah definitely okay here we [Music] go for the past 10 minutes I've spent every waking moment trying to figure out where a British expat was was for 21 minutes after his work one day in 1995 on April 11th 1995 the wife of a famed Australian tour guide disappeared right after her shift stocking shelves she was supposed to pick up a case of VB and bring it down to the local Cricut ground for her mother's third wedding but she didn't show about a month later her body was found in a cave in the nearby Bush the cause of death was partial strangulation

and a gunshot wound to the back a couple of weeks after that the British expat Barnaby Wellington was arrested for her murder the victim was Darlene smallo wife of renowned Sasquatch Hunter Terry smallo at the time small Sho in Wellington was a very well-known tour group specializing in Sasquatch sightings and education Wellington was tried and convicted and has been serving time in the pilaga County correctional facility for the last 20 years the only problem is he says he didn't do it one person who is not so sure is Terry smallo widower of the deceased well if he wasn't raping and murdering my wife what was he doing that is your evidence yeah that is a really good point Terry Terry made a lot of good points and we will discuss those and much more

in future episodes of tempting [Music] fate oh man there's a little teaser that was uh that was great we've got some more episodes coming up wow awesome I can't wait to hear what happens you know what I bet they don't even know how it's going to [Laughter] end so yes oh due respect but you do have an ending right can't wait to find out who did it can't wait to find out speaking of who did it h um you know uh there's a new autobiography coming out is there or might be already be out mhm um so uh from Jack the Ripper yeah sorry did you say

autobiography yes autobiography autobiography yeah I uh I read I read the autobiography of Jack the Ripper right uh when did he write this uh in the 1920s okay yeah uh as an old man looking back on his life I guess yeah so this this apparently as far as I'm and I mean there are there are there is a mystery around this document uh whether it's real or not um there was a uh a kind of radio show icon he he there's a radio series that he created called um Toyland or something tempting fate tempting fate this uh this this very famous uh radio personality from the from the early 1900s um created this children's radio program and it it was very very famous

and when he died a lot of his um belongings kind of went to his estate and all that kind of stuff and eventually got auctioned off and went to all these different people and they ended up in in in around you know the 2000s in the possession of this guy who found amongst a bunch of old scripts for you know this kids show and and you know uh carvings of the characters from the kids show found this document written by somebody called James carac claiming to be Jack the Ripper and it was his autobiography and there was a note at the start of it written by the the um the the radio guy saying this guy James carak was a friend of mine uh I was the executive of his estate um when he died he asked this to be delivered to me um so that I could pass it on to a

publisher but because of um uh prohibition or something or other he said that he got worried about what it was and so he opened it and was like [ __ ] this and then kind of just sat on it um for a long time until he passed away sadly and it's just kind of been sitting around now it's it's this bi autobiography of this guy who lived around you know like the time of the killings and everything claims to have been Jack the Ripper I don't want to spoil anything if you're interested it's it's very interesting um whether or not it's real and people like like Specialists have said like you know experts in the field have said if if it is him then it's it's it's possible um but even if it's not it's definitely

written by somebody who was around because it contains a lot of detail about the era uh and it's It Was Written because it it was definitely written um before the 1920s when when the the guy died um because otherwise it couldn't exist so um even if it's fake it's actually the very first um example of that kind of fiction because it's even if it's fictional it's a fictional autobiography of a killer like people didn't write that kind of stuff back then so in whether it's real or not it's it's really really interesting yeah right so uh I think it's a bit of a shame that the guy sort of sat on it for so long cuz that's the type of thing with it had to come out at time maybe more research into it like well cuz they

they're questioning like did did this guy ride it himself but but you know he was a writer of these kid shows and he was he was very squeamish and some of the stuff in it is very graphic and like people are like no there's no way he would have written it like it's they it's very questionable that it was his so he must have got it from somewhere and in his little cover note he says he got it from this guy he says I KN I knew this guy um I believe him to actually be insane but he doesn't specify whether he's insane as in he might be Jack the Ripper or he's insane he thinks he was Jack the Ripper or you know he doesn't really specify mind you there is a tendency with novels written around that time to frame The Narrative as I was

told this story from someone else yeah y yep they they said that as well that is that's a very very and also it's divided into three parts right the third part is definitely fictional and actually they think it might have actually been written by somebody else because it's quite different in tone and style to the first two parts okay yeah seems like the second part which describes the murders and you know the White Chapel stuff from the 1888 and around that time uh it seems like that was written first and then the part one was written later which is about his childhood and then the third part seems to have been written after that and possibly by somebody else cuz it's the the the first two parts are quite interesting because they're they do seem to be just somebody

remembering stuff like it's not very structured and there's no kind of it's not in setting things up or anything like that it's kind of just like Bam Bam remembering stuff whereas the third part has kind of um like a what would you call it story elements like a bit of foreshadowing at the start and it's got like you know and it's it's just set up too too neatly and it's fake it feels very fake sure so interesting yeah but was he really writing it an autobiography or is it more of a story like I'm just trying to think like why someone would write something like that well he says according to him and the very first chapter he says look I don't know if I'm going to die and I was going to leave the reveal to the end but I

figure I better not because if I die before I finish this I want people to know that it was me so I James carac was Jack the Ripper uh it was me I did it and then now I'm going to write out my story and hopefully I'll make it to the end before I die and so he wrote it out and um uh apparently it's interesting because he he goes he does go into a lot of detail that yeah apparently somebody would need to have been there to know certain things or done a lot of research except it also seems like he hasn't researched other things so it's kind of convincing in that way because for example he knows he talks about how before the first killing he went and saw this production of jackeline Hyde which is ironic and you know in a way um but

also this particular production is well known by like theater historians because it was such a disgrace like it was kind of a laughing stock but most people don't know about it sure and so the fact the fact that he has put into the story that he went to that and then murdered her it's like well you know it's just a strange thing to know you know whereas in in other respects like facts that we that they do know about the murders themselves he gets wrong like he contradicts um like the the the kind of agreed upon Narrative of things to do with the murders and so it's kind of like is he doing that on purpose to kind of create this idea that he's remembering it or anyway yeah it's very interesting was he um one of the suspects you know how everyone's got

ideas no one even knows who this guy is okay there's no record of him no one knows who he is but like it's not unusual for there not to be a record of somebody because he was not of record the except this other guy says that he knew him but but he's dead now as well because this is all from like the early 1900s and it's just been missing but if we are to believe this we have to assume that Jack the Ripper stopped killing became old and befriended and befriended a writer of a children's radio show he wasn't a writer of a children's show at the time he was a um he was a doctor at one point this guy it was kind of you know it was that area when era when people just did a lot of new things radio was new at some point butchering prostitutes yeah no no no I'm talking

about Sydney Sydney hum bean I think is the name of the guy um he he was a doctor at one point and then he he did some other stuff and uh and then he when radio became a thing he wrote this radio show and it just became huge and then he became famous so before that he was he did other things so yeah so anyway it's uh it's really interesting if you're into that kind of stuff yeah I mean whether it's whether it's legitimate or not it's it's very interesting I haven't heard about it yeah I I was too actually I so and I actually I Googled it and I saw some stuff about it people saying oh you know oh yeah well we don't really know was was what I got out of it they they think um probably he wasn't really Jack the Ripper just because you know they can't

really I guess we'll never we'll never know we'll never know innocent until proven guilty Matt unless he's confessing which he is but um yeah but he he is um it's definitely written by somebody back then who knew the area who who was probably around for the murders uh and it's one of the very earliest examples of that kind of fiction if it is fiction and um also he he is listed as the author because as far as anyone knows he really did write this so so you know it's James carck is the author and as you know as it's all legit from from that point of view so it's very interesting okay yeah and he does explain why he stopped murdering he wouldn't have stopped was it not for something that happen oh tell tell us tell us you know

you want spoilers yeah spoil away yeah go on all right he he uh a a carriage um he was crushed by a carriage and lost his leg oh okay okay and uh and then yeah he was forced to retire and he he wasn't he didn't hate women he didn't none of that stuff um he claims that he just wanted to kill people and so he went for the low hanging fruit and he figured no one would miss them and that's one of the other things that this because the last chapter in the in the whole book is this kind of expert kind of going over it all and he says well look I mean with everything that we know these days that's more likely to be who the kind of person that it was it's just somebody

who felt like doing it and then yeah yeah random psycho yep look I feel this has gotten a little bit heavy so sorry about that let's uh should we lighten it up with some sex toy news absolutely there's more sex toys of course well there's more sex toy news um this doesn't feature a new sex toy it features a classic sex toy being used in a new way we've got review models have we uh no not quite um but we do have this headl grieving family at grave site confronted by man pleasuring himself with a sex toy right yeah yeah so um a family had gone uh to the grave of their here dead mother I think uh and we

shocked to see 45-year-old Philip banam performing the ACT he was lying on his side with his trousers down his buttocks exposed and a vibrator and petroleum jelly were recovered by police from the scene interesting oh interesting now see that's the type of thing that you sort of maybe just want to do at home when you or maybe just you asking me or a door yeah I'm asking you yeah yeah I prefer to do that at home yeah for sure yeah or just something with a door yeah or a window that I could do it in front of but you know not outside in the cold because of the cold yes that would be a bit of a shock the um the gentleman in question says that

he has no recollection of the offense and he's very remorseful he said the family must have been horrified and he wants to apologize he's devastated ashamed and extremely embarrassed and apparently he suffers from depression anxiety and PTSD after having watched someone been killed when he was a child and he suffers from alcohol issues okay because of that so he was drunk necessarily explain it no I mean you know I mean well I mean I say I I can't relate 100% well let's get both sides of the story here here's here's what the prosecutor said one of the victims had gone to gilrose that's the cemetery to visit her father's grave she noticed a tent to the side and saw the defendant

lying on his side with his butt exposed she was shocked and looked away then she says quote it's all always difficult emotionally when I attend the cemetery I was very upset and disgusted by what I'd seen I normally attend with my grandchildren but thankfully they weren't there that night okay so it's at night night and he's in a tent which changes it a little bit I I dare say he probably isn't able to explain any of that okay but he was able to set up a tent right I see what you're getting at yeah he at least knew I should probably do this inside a tent yep yeah but he just he didn't figure out that he should have zipped the tent

closed no well classic rookie mistake now in order to help our listeners avoid such rookie mistakes Luke yeah we uh we need your expertise I'm going to play the jingle while the other brothers are doing time listen up it's [ __ ] crimes if you going to pleasure yourself with a sex toy in a cemetery how would you go about it covertly oh that's easy you're uh what are they called the ones where you're inside um yeah dildo no they bury yes go inside right you're still in the grave the cemetery but you still got that bit of privacy mhm right okay you so hear someone open the door and you got time to sort of fix yourself up and go hi I'm just here mourning this dead guy over here

yeah never mind the lube no that that's unrelated that's for later I love it too it's like he is claiming you know insanity and I didn't know what I was doing and all this stuff he had the forth thought to bring Lube yeah I know I'm still he set up a tent I have a hard enough time setting up tent when I'm sober yeah but when you really want to get dildo in the ass you can do just about then it's like it gives you superhuman strength yeah yeah it's like when you know when people pull you know like uh logs off people yeah when you know like like a log Falls or something you get feets of superum strength when you're drunk and you need to put a dildo in your anus yeah it's just you can you can just nothing will stop you nothing like went through all that trouble to

set the temp up but just couldn't wait that five extra seconds to sh T up man you're like [ __ ] it the tent up I mean I've lubed the dildo I done enough what do you people want from me yeah so just go in the mum dude just just go in there yeah oh dear no many people go into them anymore well I've never been in one I don't think you can get into them I think I think they're meant to be sealed right I mean they I know in I know in Buffy they just walk in and out of them all the time put it this way luk I certainly don't think they lock and unlock from the inside sight well all I'm saying is you'll hear

you'll hear someone opening it which should be just make sure you're paying attention and just be prepared to adjust yourself so it looks like you're not doing anything just keep an ear open how do you adjust yourself to make it look like you're not [ __ ] yourself in the ass with a buildo in a cemetery yeah Luke oh it's not what it looks like okay this is actually quite easy all you got to do is you got to wear a long coat which you do yes so you wear the long coat so you could be have your hands under the coat oh no better yet cape cape better yet Cape that's very inconspicuous what about a kilt no no no you need the cap okay cuz that way you can explain why your arms can't be seen because they're not in the sleeves it's can you explain why you're on all

fours moaning like a dog a dog that's being dild out in the ass you you put your keys on the ground so you say sorry I'm just picking up my keys and I was so happy that I found them yes problem solved solved you're very good at this wow what do we want to do next I mean where where do you go from there well I went to Singapore ComicCon this weekend yeah but about that want to peek too early cuz I'm going to I'm going to the Philippines Comic Con next weekend are you yeah yeah going for the double whammy spoiled yeah yeah what's the difference between the Singapore ComicCon and the Oz Comic-Con um quite a lot actually so the Singapore ComicCon and as far as I know the Philippines Comic Con as well are in no way

affiliated with the actual ComiCon oh the o one isn't either yeah uh right okay but I think the o one emulates it slightly closer let's yeah they attempt to play up that non link that's not there um so Singapore common is actually called um stgcc I think Singapore toy game and comic convention ah uh but it was pretty cool there's lots of cool stuff there lots of toys um the 50 First Legion was there raising money for charity so I gave him 10 bucks to shoot Nerf darts at Stormtroopers which was fun and uh in what may have been complete skill on my

part or utter luck I accidentally shot two darts at once which hit the Stormtrooper in each eye and stuck on and I felt like a hero and everyone worshiped me as a as a local deity you know as God for doing that so yeah it was a fun day didn't see any panels it was big it was packed out um the guests weren't really anyone I had even heard of so I didn't really go to any panels so yeah I'm just having a look now and yeah I don't know any of these people no lots of comic book artists uh there was no one of the say William Shatner variety as we have seen in OS I know this guy anim mens I love that

Eight Mile movie that was good yep yep yeah uh Philippines Comic Con may have more guests I haven't looked because I decided to go even if no one I liked was there because I just enjoy going these things anyway so yeah I'll report back on that next week all right cool yeah well we've got packs coming up I was going to wear in fact put it on in the morning before uh my ey summon t-shirt right oh yeah but my ey summon shirt is comically small and and while while it looked kind of like hilarious and acceptable in the video that we did yeah uh I I really didn't feel like could leave the house wearing what was essentially a tank

top uh and a muscle shirt even though it was meant to be neither well fair enough yeah yeah I don't really have the ABS or the biceps to really pull it off well speaking of pulling it off um we've had the sexto news we've had it no there there's a new uh there's a new Android app out there I hear oh yeah yeah um it's an app that uh presents itself like a uh a video player for the specific time task of viewing adult content in fact the app is called adult player uh but what it does is uh when you launch the app it uh accesses your camera's phone uh sorry your phone's camera which takes a picture of you and then you get a little alert saying that you are to um transfer the makers of this app

$500 via PayPal or um they're going to leak your picture and they lock your phone I understand as well yeah they do now when are they taking the picture is it just a random picture of you or is it when you're it's as you're accessing the app so I guess as you're sitting down to uh enjoy a bit of masturbatory time yeah M and it's on the phone too so I assume you're mobile you know so you're also you know probably in a cemetery or somewhere guy have a cheeky peek at uh adult player then Snapp aoo on the old the old camera goodbye phone goodbye phone unless you pay 500 bucks and it's

probably like those others that even if you pay they actually aren't really able to unlock your phone cuz they they don't actually care yeah yeah like that uh was that that malware that encrypted all your files and it said payers or we won't give you the encryption key and then there was like a 40% chance that it wouldn't work again anyway yeah it's not like they're the most trustworthy people and yeah you can't really complain to anyone if they don't I think they didn't do a whole lot of bug testing on it so be careful out there speaking of being careful out there um yeah I haven't read this article but I just did notice on the sidebar this headline would you have sex with a robot scientists really don't want you

to what uh and then there's a quote these kind of robots are harmful and contribute to inequalities in society thanks robots so um maybe I need to uh read this and report back uh next week on this one because I think this one really deserves a bit of research going into it CU that's uh that's the best headline I've read all week I think I would have sex with a robot I'm sure I probably have at one stage or another yeah how would you know yeah I mean if it was a good enough robot you wouldn't know you know that's right yeah did it look like Philip K dick it looked like a dick [Laughter] yeah oh de speaking of dicks any dick news I watched I watched the Poltergeist

remake oh and yeah that's uh I forgot they remade that man that's a that's a pile of [ __ ] that is a that is that is possibly the worst like of all the bad remakes wow I've ever seen see I only know uh a couple of other people that have seen it other than you and it was a couple of guys from work who got free tickets and went and they walked out halfway oh it's really bad I know I love the original I have fond memories of the original but I must say I watched it a couple of years ago and it doesn't really hold up right well imagine the same film Lally the same filmm M um starring Sam Rockwell for some reason why is he in this wow why is he in this baffles me uh but with it's it's literally the same movie but

just with some less stuff happens like take out all you know the interesting scenes at the start where they're sliding the chair the chair moves and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah that's all gone of course um and and then just random it's basically other than that it's literally the same film just with less and how does it work with the flat screen TVs and like no static and oh they're still static it's it works the same way except the problem with it is everything is just really obvious like they say straight away oh she's in the TV like okay oh like you know the the the kind of Secret of the film sorry spoilers for a film that's about 20 years old 30 years old um at the end he discovers that uh it was built on an old

graveyard and instead of digging up moving the bodies they just move the the the Tombstones the the headstones they didn't move the bodies yeah exactly right well you find that out immediately in this what they go for a meeting for like with they meet the neighbors or some kind of you know local council meeting or whatever oh you moved into the old Indian burial groundhouse yeah we just moved the just moved the headstones so uh yep anyway moving on yeah it's just ah it's just [ __ ] it's just really bad I'm like baffled by bad it is wow and instead of um what's her name Zelda the little you know who I mean the little lady yeah Sam Rockwell instead no no it's not he's it's Chloe morrettes isn't it no no it's the guy who played Mariotti in the second

Sherlock Holmes film it's a it's like a it's a Scottish guy yeah it's just oh man it just really confuses me why how how did this movie get made this so just [ __ ] wow utter [ __ ] nothing good about it yeah anyway wow thumbs down I don't recommend it unless you really unless you're curious about whether it really is that bad and I assure you it is just don't just avoid it at all no I probably won't I probably won't won't watch it w watch it yeah don't to be honest it wasn't on my list anyway did you see in 3d no no it wasn't on my list either um we were just looking for something to watch and and there it was yeah and I and I said oh

you know we like poge actually because Poltergeist uh Jenner and I went and saw it uh at the orium years ago oh nice the original that and wasn't the girl in the original one murdered no no no no no no I I meant in real life oh I believe she was murdered by her father or something are you thinking of Ducky from the land before time no I'm thinking of the girl from P you thinking of Terry Small's ex-wife yes girl from Poltergeist died I don't remember the the line in Poltergeist where Terry smallo says Poltergeist have raped and murdered this girl yeah if they weren't raping and murdering my daughter what were they doing there's your evidence I mean what's he doing here maybe you wake up in the middle of

the night with a little polter guys penis inside of you she became ill and was misdiagnosed as having Crohn's disease and then died yeah she died young well that's a that's a happy tale yeah we're having a bit of a downer podcast yeah well I I still recommend you watch the one that she's in rather than this new one it's garbage um I can talk about something good you want okay um I played I haven't finished it yet I've gotten quite far into it though but I've been playing Tomb Raider finally man yeah ah finally man what a great game and it's as good as we all told you it was right yeah it is yeah I got to say I mean there were time there were times in it where I'm like oh come on but but I've embraced that now like yeah at

first I think the the line between is this realistic or not was a bit I'm like wait is it supposed to be realistic it's not no it isn't the the upper body strength she would need to scale those Cliffs yeah and then just she gets you know the one of the first things that happens is she gets impaled and yeah yeah and then and then I don't know hours later after doing all this other crazy [ __ ] she has to cauter eyes a wound so but yeah no it's it's really good it's really fun man if if you let her die it's brutal oh yeah I know every time she dies it's very very intense [ __ ] hell now we could actually say this now if people want to go out and play this game if Xbox one you can get it for free yeah on Xbox Live yeah I was a bit annoyed about that only because I

bought it in a sale a little while ago on the Xbox one because I owned it on PC and never got around to playing it and then my PC died and I was like it was on sale on the Xbox one I was like oh I'll get it I'll finally be able to play it and then now it's free well hold on hold on cuz I have an Xbox One and my copy of this game is in another country so this interests me yeah if you get Xbox Live Gold yep you get it for free yeah you download it now every month you get a new game for free interesting two games actually two games two games so it's worth the subscription then all right even if you're not going to play with people you get the two three games a month yeah I agree it's worth it all

right did not all great games this month was the de God as well and that game is terrible I haven't played it yet but S I played it for 5 minutes and I went no you play the god of deers yes also if you're only buy buying Xbox Live Gold for free games they're not free games I don't know man I just looked this up and the dear God looks amazing it did look interesting from what I saw but I I mean I trust Luke he's an expert he is that's true he needs to buy more physical games rather than digital ones though so I can just steal them off him afterwards yeah that's fair no so Microsoft need to go back to their original idea of being able to share digital games yeah this game does not have good reviews the Dear God

so right they can't all be winners no all games you mean no they can't no they cannot but Tomb Raider is definitely a winner I really enjoy it I can't wait the sequel comes out soon yeah well that's that's one of the reasons I wanted to get through it because um the sequel I just I like we talked about the other week I saw a trailer for the sequel and I was just like [ __ ] it looks really good November well speaking of games I uh I went out to try to pick up uh Witcher three Mt uh I I got the impression that maybe Matt thought it was um not too bad just worth a look yeah worth a look um but I can't find it and I have a sneaking suspicion it's possibly banned here really cuz they do have a fair bit of

sensorship going on here and Witcher just sounds like something that they would probably have a problem with interesting have you tried looking to see if it's online no I haven't like I'll be honest looking for it means just popping into my local uh game stores and noticing they don't have it so yeah that's the extent of it well it is very good so I recommend you put in a little bit of effort and if you can't find it then so be it but it is the best game so no no it is out over there you just have to find it okay all right well that's good to know all right well everything I said was totally redundant sorry about that no no no good news before we go can we discuss this William Shatner television show that I'm seeing

in the spreadsheet yeah because yeah we can if this is what I think it is I want to watch it yeah if what you think this is is William Shatner decided to renovate his house and so HGTV decided to produce a reality TV show around it just showing him doing up his house yeah it's exactly that that's what I okay that's what I thought yeah all right so um now yeah okay mhm I I really like this shot yeah man he's just yeah there's one thing I enjoy it's just Bill Shatner talking about stuff anything yeah well imagine will Shatner at home with his wife with contractors in the house and him trying to be helpful and just making quips is it that or is it him doing it himself it looks like it's doing it well look it's been ProMed all

over TV here and it starts this week so I'll be able to watch it and Report backs really interesting and I got to say just looking at these if these pictures here are his um his house like especially in the looking at the before picture that's quite a modest house for that's not the house I would have expected William Shatner to live in it's not a palace is it but I mean it's it's a nice house you don't need a palace oh it's nice but it's just it's way more modest than I expected of William Shatner just because only because he's he's very famous you know what I mean yeah that's true but he's also Down to Earth but he also has a couple of Ex-Wives he has to pay alimony to yeah okay Fair Point yeah yeah but yeah know I like sh though he he's happy

about stuff he's very happy yeah yeah that's true more people should be like him he's very very interesting and so I'm sure I mean like this type of show wouldn't normally appeal to me but Bill Shatner yeah I'll watch him I'll watch him do stuff yeah yeah exactly right he's very entertaining well it's funny because uh in the same ad break as this I saw a promo for a show where Jenny GTH G from 90210 uh is doing up a house and I was like it's [ __ ] [ __ ] Anything Goes On TV lowest common denominator [ __ ] and then she do now she just takes money to do up her house that's that's how desperate she is for cash and then I saw the ad for Shatner

thing and I was like well that's the exact same thing and I will watch the [ __ ] out of this me go let me look what she do now gosh she doesn't even look like the person that I remember well I mean she's like 25 years older than she used to be when we used to watch her she's done not a lot okay married divorced three times what you who are we to judge that's all for this week thank you for listening and we hope you enjoyed the show if you enjoyed it then please subscribe and item to receive episodes automatically we'll see you next time