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[Music] welcome to multiple nerdgasm your destination for all things nerdy hey Matt do you remember when uh you and I used to share a flat I do and it was just you and me just a couple of buddies sharing a flat yep and we would just stand in the hallway between your room and my room and we would just chat about nerdy [ __ ] do you remember that I do I do well I'm getting flashbacks of that right now because it's just you and me tonight buddy yeah due to an unfortunate technical mishap well it's kind of hilarious I mean I don't want to I don't want to rub it in but Luke doesn't listen to these anyway so we can talk about why he's not here yeah he um is moving this week and he uh he applied
to get the internet put on at his new house as you do and um someone there at the internet company we won't name them don't know which one it is the internet the internet someone at the internet decided oh well he doesn't need it where he is now then and uh disconnected his service yeah so he's not able to join us this week no and Luke uh without saying too much he has a government job um so uh he can't just stay at work and record because um as far as I can tell every single website is banned there yes yeah does seem to be the case yeah well I've been working uh for a government uh agency this week too it's not as interesting as it sounds I work for the SBS occasionally um and their Internet is just the same you can't [ __ ] do anything right right so um our hearts go
out to you Luke you're um you're here with us in spirit that's true that's true well before we um before we jump in uh I had hoped that he would be here for this but um sadly he's not but he'll hear this I assume um I don't know yeah well he'll hear it at some point I'll make him listen to it at some point yeah we'll make sure he does um I took the liberty I hope you guys don't mind um of engaging the services of somebody to uh to help out with a little ad for the podcast that I'm hoping we can get played um maybe on some other podcasts and and some other places but I wanted to premere it here first okay we're really selling out now l f capitalism at its absolute best and I for one couldn't be more excited so um I uh maybe I
should just play it um by all means this is uh this is our new ad in a world where dragons once sword I I don't care what you saw there weren't any dragons like that's that's just a fact a dwarf and man battle for Supremacy they are kind of dangerous not dangerous but they are kind of uh ethereal beings these dwarves usually are and and they're asexual really where men worship the moon right why are you inferring that you wanted jack off onto the moon yes wait I would Absol of they did and terrifying creatures stalk the land you wake up in the middle of the night with a little sashwat penis inside of you you need a hero I think you you have to honestly say there's going to be a line you have to draw somewhere and
for me that line was when the Batmobile just crashed and pretty much caught on fire and then I'm you need a podcast suck a dick and download our point you need multiple [Music] nerdgasm no way so yeah I me to summon Don LaFontaine from the grave and um yeah yeah back for one final gig mhm and I must say it's the absolute Pinnacle of his career yep definitely that was amazing tell me that wasn't $5 on fiver.com it was oh my God fiver.com is the best thing to happen to this world the voice
was $5 on f.com the music was half of my Saturday well spent in my opinion absolutely yeah I mean what else would you would have done on Saturday anyway do you know I I got a big carried away you would have gone to the beach or stayed home and masturbated but you didn't you made that I made that so so yeah keep an ear out for that uh well actually don't because you'd have to listen to other podcasts to hear it and we don't want you to do that yeah maybe we'll put up a list of like you know you know how like the Jehovah's Witnesses yeah Jehovah's Witnesses have like approved viewing and you're only allowed to you can't just watch TV channels you got to watch things that don't really rub the Jehovah
the wrong way I think we should do the same it should be like look we're not going to be dicks about this you want to listen to a couple of other podcasts go for it but just ones that we have pre-approved yep awesome addiction grab bag podcast yeah man jump into the awesome addiction because like we've pilled listeners from them yeah so it's only fair that they pill for some listeners from us yeah no they good guys uh yeah grab bag are friends of ours as well so um check them out um and keep listening because hopefully um we'll have some more approved shows try try to get that onto public radio somehow yeah who wouldn't who wouldn't listen to our podcast after that we'll see what we can do if you what answer me this mat mhm
what other podcast out there right what even the top rated podcasts yeah have had Peter Dinklage admitting that all dwarves are asexual well I don't know where you got that clip so I can't answer I interviewed him Matt I interviewed him that's right as far as I know I got the clip there's one somewhere it's called recording an interview all right sound bites what it's all about yep absolutely yep Terry smallo is not on any other podcast as far Terry Terry are you on any other podcasts what are you appearing on any other podcasts the [ __ ] would I want to go on any other podcast for you guys are the [ __ ] well there you go actually I've I've got
something to tell Terry and um hang he's wanted off should I tell him to come back yeah tell him to come back all right I'm going to put him I'm going to give him the headphones for a bit so um it's going to sound like I've gone away but I'm I'm just going to be in the room here I just want to be talking for a little bit to make it easier for Terry for Terry to be edited in I mean I mean for him to be on the show yeah you don't want to talk over Terry no it gets very difficult to create I I mean I've said too much I've said too much here's Terry oh you going D I'm good Terry how are you doing mate well pretty [ __ ] good I was just watching a bit of uh 50 Shades of Gray oh is that right are you a fan of 50 Shades of Gray oh I'm a fan of uh anything that's got you know
people T each other up and you know yeah yeah um sorry Terry I'm just Googling here real quick come on come on y That's What said you um you had a run in with the uh the Sasquatch recently oh um no I'm kind of laying low um after the you know episode 100 um there was a bit of an investigation cuz I may have accidentally you know like said some stuff that um sort of kind of implicated myself in um two murders so yep yep yep yep but um it would not be the first time that somebody has been
indicted for stuff they've said on this podcast and I dare say it won't be the last probably not the last why did I just go American oh man it's cuz I'm trying to type and talk to you at the same time yeah understandable mate I can't do a whole lot of stuff and talk at the same time you seen a Sasquatch Dan I've seen parts of a Sasquatch what parts seen the little Sasquatch penis that's my favorite part um I was listening to a podcast called no such thing as a fish do you know that one no I'm not familiar with it can I talk to Matt again for a minute oh [ __ ] here all right hang on Matt Matt yeah I [ __ ] I want to talk to you for a minute hang on yeah hello yeah yeah Matt glad to uh glad to have
you back so I've got something that will interest uh both you boys right and um it uh it's about the kingdom of Bhutan which is a a landlocked country in southern Asia at the Eastern end of the Himalayas right oralia as we've already discussed it should be pronounced right um and uh it's a um it's a monarchy a constitutional monarchy who's the king the king is it a Sasquatch look the king is not a Sasquatch right right but the king does have an official Sasquatch Hunter right on his staff [Music] Sasquatch I think I think I'm going to have to put Terry on to discuss this with you put Terry on mate hang on a
sec yeah I'm back so Terry are you famar with the kingdom of Bhutan um no well it's in the Himalayas and up there they call the Sasquatch the yeti but I'm as far as I understand it's the same creature yeah yeah yeah he's the same yeah we we call him the uh the yahi down here yeah yeah that's what Bongo tells me that's right how is bongo anyway oh he's [ __ ] mate [ __ ] every night down in the humpy yeah yeah that's what I call it I mean that's what he calls so the king of Bhutan is uh fairly paranoid that at some stage it's inevitable that his castle will be attacked by a yeti and so he has a fulltime Yeti Hunter on staff how long has this guy
been in the business uh I as far as I can tell it's one of those hereditary positions that is held ah like AIDS not quite like AIDS um but [Music] but um but they they do have uh some they do have some really interesting facts about the yeti right uh to explain why they haven't actually seen one yet they haven't seen one they haven't seen one no there's been no confirmed sightings of the yeti in bhan right but that could be for uh one of two reasons that I learned today number one yeah a Yeti can turn itself invisible right so so right there you know you're at a loss when you're trying to track it that's a great Alibi the
second one I think you'll enjoy is even more uh because it's even more confusing to those people trying to uh trying to track a Yeti a Yeti did you know this can take area yeah right yeah so what happens if you um you know you're out camping out in the in the bush in the you know the yeti sanctu and you w what happens if you wake up with a little SAS Scotch P inia I'm not sure there's a whole lot of bush up uh up in the uh Kingdom of Bhutan well Snow's like bush in it yeah I guess in a way you're in the Sno and um Sno in the is the is the name of this episode is it like his self-defense um you know a valid excuse for like I'll I'll write in yeah please do or listeners if you live in the Kingdom of
batan and you know the intricacies of the uh the laws of uh Yeti hunting WR in and let us know I'm pretty sure they're all into it over there yeah they're into it all right I gotta go see you Terry see you mate see you Terry Qui there Matt do we do we bore you no it's just I don't like to interrupt him because he gets a bit violent does he does he live in your house he lives next door does he live in my old room he lives in apartment 32A Oh apartment 32A yeah so Terry mentioned one of our favorite hilarious diseases AIDS yeah I mean there's nothing that's not funny about AIDS really isn't there no not from not when you someone who growing up in the 80s and was terrified of it yeah
literally Terri terrified we used to play games of tag in the playground at lunch time but instead of being it you had AIDS yeah and then had to chase the other kids and give someone else AIDS because the television told us we're all going to get it eventually yeah so be afraid like I thought AIDS was literally coming to get me it knew my name and my [ __ ] days were numbered yeah we'll link to that um that ad with the Grim Reaper in the show notes again cuz that terrifying the Grim Reaper bowling down families and children in the 80s can I say Australian television commercials in the80s were unrivaled in their inappropriate levels of full
oness yeah yeah well look if I'm an iPhone user Dan which I am now I've got a new iPhone I've been I've been looking for apps to to deal with this and so far I haven't found an app um just on its own that can tell me if I've got AIDS well it's lucky that you got the iPhone because um why is that because this particular app doesn't work on the Android so um if you want to find out whether or not you've got AIDS uh or syphilis apparently which I guess is the same test um if I'm Jack the rer I'm going to need to know that yeah and for all we know you might be exactly I have masturbated onto filthy blood soaked Rags on several occasion some of that seen probably did belong to you or one of your relatives I mean you got family in in White Chapel don't you yeah
sure sure England same thing you were white cheles in England as far as I know that's true um but that thing got passed around yeah the the shaw not the not the prostitute not me not my reles she got passed around too I'm not saying that your relatives were prostitutes or that they frequented prostitutes I'm just saying at some point one of them probably [ __ ] on that rag we can imply that without without worrying I think yeah yeah I mean whichever ones of your grandparents weren't uh grandparents great grandparents let's say your ancestors weren't um uh you know funding the Nazis during the second world war um we're probably over in White Chapel jerking off onto a Shaw yeah but I digress mhm well we're here to talk about is the new iPhone
accessory um that can diagnose HIV and syphilis um it's uh it's not just an app obviously that would be uh that would fall short it's uh basically a little contraption that you plug your iPhone into and this thing looks like it works just like one of those little meters that uh diabetics Ed to test their insulin level MH except that uh this gives you a little prick takes a little blood sample uh and then through the uh the headphone jack of all things it um pipes out some data and um lets you know instantly whether or not you have AIDS through the headphone jack yeah interesting yep yeah I thought I I thought this wasn't AIDS tests weren't a thing you could just kind of go and be told immediately isn't that well I mean I'm not I'm no expert
I'll be honest I I say immediately that might have been hyperbole it doesn't actually say how long it takes but if it's an iPhone app and I mean I can't remember well what would it it says 15 minutes 15 minutes there you go there you go so this has been developed at Columbia University's School of Engineering and applied science and this is really applied science isn't it yes totally uh it's already been used on 100 randons so I guess they thought where are we going to find the biggest concentration of people with AIDS and iPhones they went straight to Rwanda oh but I mean if you're so say you know I'm somebody who for some reason is constantly in danger of
Contracting AIDS yeah and I've got an iPhone why can I pick one of these up at the I have to apply at the University uh at this stage I think you probably do I think it's still uh I think it's still in Prototype um but just to let you know uh AIDS detecting equipment at the moment uh which is a a system called Alysa which I can only imagine is named after one of the scientist's ex-girlfriends um dirty [ __ ] of an ex-girlfriend um costs $20,000 for a unit this iPhone accessory costs only $35 wow and uh that's pretty impressive yeah to use the Alyssa machine you need years of training and to use the iPhone app you need about um 30 minutes of playing around and figuring it out yeah so yeah and eventually it'll be a dollar
cuz that's how much things cost on the it be 99 and then eventually they'll have to make it free because people won't even pay for it then yeah and you'll have to unlock syphilis that's right yeah every time you test for AIDS it comes up if you want to also test for syphilis you'll need to download the full app yeah this will be called aids to test a light that's right I AIDS light yeah that's right now just to be clear this doesn't cure you of AIDS so it doesn't actually help you in any way other than diagnosing you yeah and then you'll probably have to go to a doctor and get a real test yeah probably but I think going in and going my iPhone told me I have AIDS is probably a good start yeah oh it's better than better than
just wandering around infecting other people yeah yeah but part of me would want to not know you know what I mean part of me even I if I suspected I might have it would just go okay just quietly and subtly become celibate see this is great right this is this is great this is a great technological Advance except it's kind of weird that until somebody decided to make it an iPhone attachment they couldn't think of a way yeah to make it cheaper than 20 grand and then somebody went oh what if we hook it up to an iPhone genius yeah they were like oh well look the uh the work's already done for us like it took took hipsters to develop a version for the iPhone yeah yeah to get this to be like affordable yeah there'll be a wooden one
soon that's right Sandalwood flavored yeah for the audio file yeah that's right yeah you've got [Laughter] AIDS yeah and then you can you can buy a um a lossless version right couple no you raise a valid point Matt I mean other than putting a screen on this and having Processing Unit like was that really so much of a stretch what was holding them back before yeah that's right like I mean iPhones is great but I mean surely they could have thrown something together for less than 20 grand without it you know what I mean unless unless Apple's literally subsidizing everybody $119,000 for every iPhone yeah maybe like that's how powerful these things are but yeah anyway that's that's cool
that's very cool yeah say goodbye to Aid well say hello to it I guess yeah because you've got it you have it speaking of Africa um somebody who's from Africa most awful segue no no no I'm enjoying it I still have no idea where you're going with this Neil Bloom Camp is from Africa oh yeah yeah he's from South Africa South Africa yeah yeah yeah um and he has he a new film coming out called chappie which looks pretty cool yeah um I don't know alium was a bit disappointing for me and um God and really they're really pushing the DI an word however you pronounce that um aspect of chappie which concerns me it means the answer yeah deont verd or however you pronounce it they're interesting actually I I um yeah I I
won't lie I have three of their albums yeah see I'd never heard them before and uh I saw the chappie trailers and stuff and and they're quite prominently in it like they're obviously being used as as a means to more tickets um so I was like all right fine what are these guys about listen to some of the music some of the songs I was like that's pretty cool some of them I was like this is this is terrible yeah yeah um yeah and then I I got interested in kind of who they are and what they're about watched some interviews and they actually seem they seem pretty intelligent and I suspect um you know they're kind of a bit uh it's a bit of performance art slash yeah absolutely you know slash you know
creating creating this charact these characters kind of yeah theyve made a brand yeah absolutely yeah no I agree with you and they get they get seriously great filmmakers to direct their Clips yeah like they had Harmony Karin do a clip for them it goes for 20 minutes and it's amazing yeah they seem pretty interesting so I'm I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt maybe they can act as well is was my point with that I was like well they act a lot a lot of their film clips have huge sequences of just performance yeah right with song because one thing that that I was worried about is well these guys are like rap artists like as all I knew about them was they were rappers from South Africa what are they doing in a film and then I looked it up I'm like oh there's more to than
that they're a bit more interesting so yeah the the the best fact about them that I know is when Lady Gaga first heard them she thought they were amazing and she contacted them and uh and asked if they would support her on her World Tour this is before they were big this is when they were just in emerging band and known only in South Africa yeah and she offered them the support gig for the world tour like huge huge exposure and their answer was we would never ever support you in anything you're everything that we hate about music today cool uh and if that wasn't enough their next clip was a parody of Lady Gaga Just to just the twist the
knife that was already shoved firmly into the back yeah right well I um like I said I I like I said not all their music I'm not that into it it's not my thing I'm not not really into all of it some of their songs I thought were pretty cool but from watching some interviews they seem pretty cool I'm I'm I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt as far as being in a film is concerned yeah exactly so beyond chappie what do we know about Blum camps well he some time ago uh maybe a month or two ago he posted on his Instagram uh some pictures um out of nowhere as far as most of the world was concerned pictures of um alien related things as in the films Alien aliens and and basically what he said was he was in his spare time in his
downtime he had been talking to sigoni Weaver because she's also in chappie and he gotten into his head he's gotten an idea about an alien film uh and he gotten some concept art worked on and he started to do some stuff and he said look this is probably never going to happen so I'm going to put this on the Instagram here and see what people think and everybody lost their [ __ ] because it was a resounding please do this movie yeah and his his concept and the artwork was for a film that basically ignored everything after aliens and was a new sequel to aliens so Hicks was still alive um Ripley was still alive alien 3 didn't happen it was basically a new sequel to aliens um now since that happened fox has gone look at all those people waiting to
throw money at him let's let's let him do it and and we can have that money and so it's been confirmed as far as I'm aware it's confirmed however it's not his original story that he he said that it was on Instagram it's a sequel to to the existing films I think I as far as I'm aware it's going to be a sequel to Prometheus 2 right so chronologically it'll go Prometheus Prometheus 2 Blom Camp's movie then alien right so it's not going to have sigoni Weaver in it we can assume unless they unless they pull some other ridiculous [ __ ] yeah see look here's the thing I mean sigon was the inspiration for this and
according to the Articles that I read they do plan to put her in it they yeah she hasn't come into the [ __ ] story yet that's right yeah Ripley's not got nothing to do with it so and you watch them do something really awful like she's already gone on this adventure with them and then they've wiped her memory and when she wakes up on the Nostromo she thinks she hasn't done anything with anamorphs yet but she has what the [ __ ] did I just say [Laughter] aliens why did you say Animorphs can we address that please I don't I'm reading this article I'm just looking at different words and you know when you're looking at words while you're trying to speak sure
yeah but anyway um yeah she's also 40 years younger correct she would have had to have aged backwards yeah in that time as well so we'll see we'll see but I mean Blum Camp is or Bloom Camp um is very I think they changed it at some point Didn't They yeah I said that too except there's a South African guy at work and he said no Bloom Camp is is a very South African name so maybe he changed it back like he had tried to americanize it and then just was like [ __ ] it and went back I I swear his name changed a little bit at some point yeah it slightly changed or at least we all started saying it differently yeah yeah look here's the thing District 9 his kind of breakout film was one of the best Alien movies ever and I mean alien
in the broadest sense I love that movie it was it blew me away the fact that it was a lowbudget like movie and I was I was like this is amazing this is amazing and then all of a sudden at the end there was a [ __ ] spaceship and a mech suit and it honestly I did not expect it and it blew me away it was amazing yeah I completely agree and it was the first film that I saw in probably a decade where I literally didn't know what was going to happen next yeah exactly like I kept waiting for that [ __ ] to die and the main character to come in 20 minutes into the movie I was still going where's the main character I had no idea that Vias was going to be the hero yeah yeah yeah and it was great absolutely astounding film
so I had well I had high expectations for alysium based on that yeah too high probably I'd say and I was I was a bit disappointed I was pretty disappointed it was so paint by numbers I mean it looked like a Blom Camp film but other than that it just didn't have the heart of District 9 and it had it had a lot of stuff it that was that was great but not but overall it was It was kind of I don't know yeah it's just not very good no absolutely and I I felt the plot didn't really make much sense I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it it is it's worth watching because I mean visually it's got some [ __ ] amazing stuff and yeah I don't regret watching it no but you're right there's a lot of plot holes now correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't Neil also
attached to a Halo movie yeah apparently the story of of how he got to be where he is now he made um on YouTube or or elsewhere on the internet he made a short film um he'd been doing TV commercials in South Africa um and he'd gotten a reputation for um working visual effects in with very um very realistic looking um kind of uh handicam kind of footage like where like he he he got him and his team were very very good at making footage that just looks like it someone's filmed it on the street but there's a [ __ ] robot in it yeah so then he made this short film called the
live in joerg um which is available online um and it's kind of um District 9 light yeah and um having watched and Peter Jackson I think saw that and said this guy's [ __ ] amazing um got him over to New Zealand iume they had a bunch of meetings um Fox uh and Microsoft or however that worked out um had him on as director and he he actually has shot a bunch of stuff and he's got like warthogs and props built and um Covenant um props and suits and everything built uh and then Fox pulled the plug on the whole thing and it never happened so he did District 9 instead right and I guess there's no going back now uh I hope not to be honest sort of to be honest cuz I personally I don't think Halo is that interesting no I
don't think it's that interesting either but some of the supplementary material for Halo has been quite interesting and I'm not talking about the novels I'm not [ __ ] that level of a nerd all right people calm the [ __ ] down but I just mean some of the liveaction trailers and stuff that they've done for their games have been pretty astounding and I think that if you got a good writer and a good director you could come up with something pretty cool within that world yeah all right sure but I mean we could have had Halo instead of District 9 and I'd rather be in this world where we have District 9 that's fair so I don't know but anyway yeah he's so he's doing an alien movie that is confirmed um and yeah it seems like it's going to be between Prometheus 2
and alien and that really kind of for me diminishes a bit of the excitement because it means a lot of the stuff that he' done already is irrelevant you know what I mean like the pictures that he put up like yeah and I think Film School rejects talked about this a bit too um it's almost like now it's less exciting because before when it was just this thing that he would love to do but probably won't happen he he was free to imagine so many things and it was kind of like it's easier to to make up an amazing film based on a film that you already like than it is to actually make that film yeah absolutely and especially since a studio is not going to just go great idea man run with it they're going to go cool you're the man for the job and now
you work for us and this has to fit into the existing franchise as it remains now and you know these Prometheus films are you know a reboot of sorts so you'll be continuing on from them because that's how we do things now yeah see CU now he's got to not his job now is not to just make a bunch of concept art that he can put up on the internet and then the Nerds can fill in the blanks and think oh my God this is going to be amazing he actually has to make the movie that goes with that and that said um Prometheus seemed like it was going to be a direct prequel to alien and we now know it was originally intended to be that way yes then it managed to break free yeah it man well it managed to exploit enough loopholes to
technically not be a prequel right um but probably still should have been yeah would have made a lot more sense uh so I think in a perfect world cuz I I do love Prometheus I do yeah I really we see it twice at the cinema so you know and then we bought it on Blu-ray when it came out but I think it should have been the prequel and the only prequel to alien it's all that we needed yeah led into alien led into aliens and then done as you said or Blom camps yeah new number three aliens is aliens is we'll see yeah but it's confirmed that he's he's at least like supposed to be doing it I mean it can still fall
apart you know yeah yeah but we'll see you want some sex toy news always so um I've been holding out on putting this in the spreadsheet because I wanted to surprise you so I'm just going to I'm just going to put this here and you can just have a little look and then we'll discuss it let's have a look this appears to be a um a prosthetic device for a a male to wear mhh uh over his genitals M to give him a vagina yeah so this is basically um the antithesis of a strap on dildo right uh which a woman can wear so that she can penetrate another woman in the manner of
which a man would yep uh and this is a similar device that um as you say creates a vaginal opening uh in the crotch of a man so that uh two men can have sex as got [Laughter] intended Alo says it can be penetrated with a real [ __ ] a dildo a vibrator a finger or just about anything else you want to insert into a real [ __ ] yeah yeah oh I mean I'll go one step further you can put things in this that you can't put into a real vagina I think that's a challenge man I think uh I think it could put a lot into a real vagina that said though if you're wearing imagine this imagine this boring sex act right I'm imagining it one of you is wearing a fake vagina right right the other one is [ __ ] it with a dildo well is anyone getting pleasure out of
this there's no tactile sensation for anybody yeah but I I love this because it's like at what point have two men gone you know what I'd really like to do yeah I just wish you had a vagina to [ __ ] you know yeah without the other one going well I feel a bit insecure now yeah yeah that's right I thought we figured out a whole bunch of ways that we could still make this work yeah yeah but you know so what you're really saying is you're not happy with me as as I am as as I'm yeah yeah H but this thing is hideous to behold yeah it's [ __ ] weird it's it's got a little little what is that what are you referring to there's a lot of weird things on it it's got a little I don't know little bit of flare at the bottom little uh little anus yeah I don't know
why that's necessary which would cover your actual anus do you know what I mean it's like really guaranteeing that this is the only hole you pen tonight yeah it's got a clitoris yeah it does not sure of the point of that on this I mean I'm not talking generally speaking as a as a point to the clitoris ladies don't all write me letters yeah have to wear your v string place the knotted string through the Loop behind your back and pull snug Center the [ __ ] in the front the excess string is wrapped around the waist passed between the legs brought back up and tucked into the waist string thankfully there's not photos of anybody actually wearing this I'll say this though it's $220 mhm has two hairstyles oh goodness it does for for
the pubes and you can choose the hair color golden blonde red strawberry blonde brown brunette Orban and black so if you want to you want it to look like the suburb I I shouldn't say where I live I already said that you want to look like the sub Living Strawberry Blonde [ __ ] it Luke's already giv out his home address I know no one's going to stalk you to your suburb and if they do they'll get stabbed at the station that's true if you want a vagina that looks like the suburb I live in get an Orban one and there's sizes too there's four sizes small medium large and extra large oh oh there's five hairstyles but it's only got pictures for two oh is that right where can I see the others um it's just got aop down at the top oh it does you're quite right yep and you can
choose the color of the skin I left out other colors too that are in this drop down menu would you like dishwater blonde what the [ __ ] does that even mean I can't imagine any woman that I've ever met having with stand I thought this I thought this was skin color cuz it says black brown or and then I was and then you're rightly so red skin so sunburnt yeah no red Indian right right yeah so it any comes in Caucasian as far as I know yeah man I'm just cuz I look I'm on stock room.com for this stuff right I mean and I'm I don't really how did you find this uh don't ask questions you're afraid of the answer to Matt that's all I'm going to say um but look quite honestly I don't really go into for the the BDSM stuff uh
just doesn't what this is doesn't really do it for me um I just mean in general this is a site for BDSM equipment but I'm just looking here uh oh sex toys in general but a lot of it seems to be BDSM orientated you mean like the pony head bridal set well it's funny because I'm actually looking in the side menu and there's a whole subcategory Pony play yeah if you click through to that you get of course the ponytail butt plug we've discussed that on the show already yeah the pony head bridal set which is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen I'm going to ask you Dan click through to that please and then scroll down oh goodness okay so you can see the plume attachment what is that for good
God Right Moving on um molded latex Pony boots all right which uh basically give you Hooves oh don't click through do not click through repeat do not click through do not click through do not click through you can if you want but you to the Hooves yeah to the Hooves where are the Hooves where are they I can't find them uh let me I'll help you out here I'll let me just paste you a link straight in there I I have to click on Pony gear no no no oh yeah yeah yeah you can go to the link or you can click on Pony gear mhm and then oh yeah Pony boots yeah molded latex Pon oh yeah right okay yeah that's that's it okay yep that gentleman is wearing them
yes and that other gentleman behind him is not wearing a whole lot else no uh the gentleman wearing the molded latex Pony boots is also wearing a bridal yep RS yep and knee pads yeah he's going to need those I think for what happens next yeah Jesus honestly I mean if this is what you're into that's fine but if you have to go to this length right to turn either yourself or somebody else on I think you you're just no good at sex do you know what I mean I think you just lack the imagination to make sex interesting if you're going to this length where you're like I want to [ __ ] a rubber horse yeah I'm literally not going to get turned on unless I would have sex with you but you don't have hooves I don't know what to do
about weight what are those solved problem solved yeah look let's move on uh sure from stock room.com um we had a competition um and we sure did it was uh it was The Witcher competition Witcher 3 the wild Hunt comes out uh in May uh as far as I'm aware unless it's been delayed again you pre-ordered uh no no I don't pre-order anymore uh yeah mostly because I don't have time to play games so I um yeah yeah I prefer to um wait until I actually have time now I probably will buy it the day it comes out anyway just because it's The Witcher of course you will because um you know I just really really like you'll put whatever game
you're playing on hold to play Witcher probably true probably true so yeah big fan of The Witcher um we've had a competition the jingle goes something like this it's a witchard [Applause] competition it's the witchard competition and yeah that is music from the game don't sue me you know we're PR fair use creative comments fair use yeah and yeah that is my voice on top um so is available for weddings and baritas that's true um we asked that you finish my Witcher fan fiction um and I guess I I've got two entries here that I want to I want to read out and they're very very good they're also they're not the shortest of
entries um which is fine because um you know my my beginning wasn't particularly short either uh should I read the the beginning first yeah I think you need to recap all right so The Story begins geralt of Rivia Witcher stroe into town the head of the Sasquatch hanging from the hook at his belt dark blood and dear urine still dripping thickly onto the stones of the square I've killed the Beast he approached the Burgermeister and extended the Grim trophy in evidence I'll take the gold now thank you there's another matter that requires your attention the Burgermeister looks sheepish we'll double the pay geralt Shrugged fine what do I kill next a female voice whispered in the crowd and a group of local
maidens giggled geralt smiled perhaps when I return I can show you the girls blushed and geralt winked to the Burgermeister my hearing is exceptional he explained some thing has taken some of our people what manner of thing we're not sure exactly but it left tracks human looking and they lead into the swamp well what's in the swamp nothing but muck flies beasts and despair we don't Venture in better make it triple the fee then and so geralt entered the swamp his silver sword at the ready the trail wasn't hard to follow and it was certainly human or humanoid at the very least after a Time the humanoid tracks were joined by two additional smaller tracks after an hour of drag tracking deeper and deeper into the M the sound of voices led him quickly forward and
into a small clearing on the edge of a bog what did The Witcher find there and how did he deal with it our first entry is from Carlo and he begins his story thusly geralt stepped into the clearing skirted by Deep brush his silver swords Hilt at hand before him stood a beast the likes of which he thought only lived in songs heard in forgotten Villages lost in Far Away mountain valleys a giant [ __ ] robed in Black flanked by two dwarves their cruel hands clasped in each others as the giant [ __ ] stood over them geralt un sheathed his silver sword as these were truly monsters leave this place screeched the Giant M its voice so like a normal-sized
man lest you Disturb This ceremony geralt took another step towards the beasts the two dwarves let go their hands and began walking towards geralt their elegant clothes hiding their immense power and craftiness the first died quickly it Screech cut short as geralt's blade shot out and slashed the fiend's throat the second cried out in pain and tried to staunch the First's bleeding the pause was all geralt needed to gut the little [ __ ] geralt now stood alone before the giant [ __ ] its regular-shaped mouth curled into a smile you have no idea what you've done you the Beast modog was cut short as geralt's blade swung through the air caught the beast in its side the wounded Beast lurching to the side as if to run geralt ducked under
its flailing normal looking arms and drove the blade into the beast's average size waist the Beast roared but this was short lived as the point of geralt's Blade pierced through its completely normal eye ending the Beast ah once again emerging from the woods the town's folk crowded geralt as he as he threw the beast's body on the Town Square cobbles there's your Beast he grunted that is definitely a man said the bur Meister wait wait this is our priest my Lord a frightened townsman ran into the square my Lord someone has murdered a pair of lovers shunned by Society for their short stature who had finally found love in each other's Comfort at the secret marriage in the swamp the crowd turned to look at geralt but he was already having sex with the milkmaid
love it sent in by Carlo thank you Carlo well done Carlo well done and our second entry sent in by Simon mhm geralt stood at the edge of the clearing and sniffed the air a puted Aroma of rotting vegetation mixed with blood and semen filled his nostrils this was the place lowering himself down into a crouching position he quickly scanned the area if he was spotted by the Beast to early could spell his Doom it was quiet too quiet geralt began to wonder if he had already been seen until his ears were filled by an erection wilting scream neep out of the corner of his eye he was suddenly aware of movement
turning to face the advancing unknown geralt took hold of his weapon in his strong hands and tightened his grip he could hear the footsteps becoming louder as whatever it was coming towards him picked up speed The Tall Grass fell limply to either side of his ADV this advancing presence but somehow never gave up the creature Within geralt stood his ground like so many other times before he stood transfixed on the area before him embraced himself for whatever was about to happen he didn't have to wait long from behind its grassy Veil came a sight that would haunt geralt for the rest of his life lunch launching launching itself directly towards him the Beast attacked for a moment geralt doubted his own sanity but as the creature came into view he knew he was
looking at the body come slunger Tales of this vicious Beast awoken his mind as he rolled out of the beast's clutches to gain more ground as a child he'd been warned that the potty [ __ ] slunger would come for him if he didn't finish his chores but he never expected to see one especially not face to face he stood looking at the Beast his sword drawn across his body in a defensive pose the potty [ __ ] slunger equally to time to exess it Fray geralt was surprised at how accurate the tales had been in describing the foul beast and reasoned that whoever had first divulged them must have seen one close up as he had now its body was that of a well-built man but covered in a dense layer of curly pubic air it's feet was similar to that of a man but slightly larger and
with an additional toe on the Side featuring a sharp Talon between its legs grew two gangly penises that hung limply almost touching the ground in front of it smooth as silk and each as thick as an arm geralt gulped and retrained his vision on the beast's body such detail I know from its upper torso grew four thin snake likee necks and at the end of each was a head each had a set of vicious fangs but almost every other detail was unique as geralt pondered why it could have why it would have four unique faces one of them lunged itself towards it if it wasn't for his years of training he would certainly have been bitten in half as it was the head barely grazed his face as he shot pasted with an eerie Screech of Star Wars no sooner had geralt regained his balance than a second head tore past him
strucking his sword arm and flinging his weapon into the surrounding bog he landed roughly on his back the wind knocked out of his lungs as he stared slightly da into the sky the foreheads hovered above him staring down into his eyes he knew what was about to happen this out of all the old Tales he'd been told as a child had frightened him the most it had caused months of bed wetting and ridicule from his Elder siblings he was about to be [ __ ] [ __ ] by the potty [ __ ] slunger and there was nothing he could do to stop it to be continued wow wow I me they're both so good but I mean that one should win for the blood and Seaman L alone I think so and the fact that we're we're apparently in it the PTY I'm I'm pretty sure the potty comes longer as us well I mean yeah I
didn't want to say anything but it did sound awfully familiar yeah so uh how are we going on that Matt what side are we coming down on because they were both great stories I think I think we're going to give the shirt to S Simon nice so Simon you win Witcher t-shirt yeah absolutely um thank you everybody for sending in entries there were um there were some on Twitter and um not to you know Twitter I guess was not the right medium for this well short story perhaps yeah so um yeah the these were emailed in and um they were obviously longer form than Twitter would have allowed I I love it when people take our competition seriously yeah yeah way more seriously than we do so I did notice some themes running through all the stories and and that that just really makes me
happy yeah uh that said Matt I um I I really did enjoy reading your Witcher fanfiction and um I do I do enjoy a bit of fanfiction myself and I just I couldn't let the fact that I'm on the podcast stopped me from submitting an entry myself and obviously I I didn't want to compete against our listeners because uh you know we love our listeners and um that just wouldn't be fair but um if you'll permit me I did write a little something permission that I'd like to read please all right here we go geralt kneeled beside the tracks The Telltale Footprints of bipeds one large and one small their race their
species their intentions unknown The Witcher took another sip of the deer urine for courage and stroe off into the clearing he froze he stood staring at the two beings in front of him he wheed his body to be still not to move a muscle lest he be spotted from where he now stood the muffled voices were now complet Audible and what did he do then the taller one asked the smaller one answered well the shirt went up they were stripping him in Flames oh right in Flames Gerald stood staring at the appalling sight before him the taller man well taller by comparison was holding a tape recorder and the smaller one of being geralt new as an imp or dwarf was speaking into a microphone it was some sort of grotesque interview well thanks for being on [ __ ] watch
the taller man was heard saying I certainly hope they catch those football players that so hilariously I mean horrifically set you on fire we object to the term midgets said the smaller man we prefer people of small stature yes but who's really going to do anything about it you other tiny people didn't think so geralt crept silently backwards clearly these were not the beings he was tracking a wrong turn taken him into this appalling distraction before long he had found the tracks again big steps besides small steps he recalibrated his calculations and took off towards another clearing not far from the first voices suggested he was on the right track he stopped to prepare dipping his magical blade into the deer urine before stepping into the clearing again he
froze and how you doing in school he heard the voice say Gerald stared in horror at the site before him a blanket had been laid out and on it were assortment of Breads and cheeses a tall handsome man lay on his side his hand cradling a chalice of wine beside him a small child sat awkwardly clearly uncomfortable by the intimacy of the situation um good good was his reply and you're only 12 years old The Tall Man asks yes sir fancy that only 12 years old again geralt was sure he was in the wrong place he crept back away from the clearing tipped out the rest of the deer uring figuring he probably had enough
anyway and turned back towards the village this Forest is full of freaks he said to himself as he walked in the direction of home no job is worth this that's all for this week thank you for listening and we hope you enjoyed the show if you enjoyed it then please subscribe and items to receive episodes automatically we'll see you next time
